I get it. I understand it. I even empathize with it, but it always makes me want to punch my laptop screen. I’m of course talking about attention whores. I use Facebook as a preface because that’s the social network it seems most of them flock to. Probably because it’s the only “real” social network (sorry G+)

When I see things on Facebook that are obvious “please look at me” posts, or posts directed to someone but has no claim to it, I immediately think less of that person’s intellect. That’s pretty bad coming from a guy that can barely read or write properly.

The classic examples are:

OMG! I look so ugly in this picture

Firstly, yes, you do. Secondly, if you thought that you looked anything but amazing you would not be posting the picture in question to a social media site for all the world to see. You are veining for positive feedback. I don’t think it’s coming from a lack of self confidence, and a weird way of trying to boost it either. I mean, if you lacked confidence you wouldn’t be posting anything of yourself online, not to mention an “ugly” picture. I think it’s because you’re shallow, and somehow feed on the over zealous positive feedback like a soul sucker, but instead of sucking the life out of people (actually you do that too) you feed off of empty compliments. I mean, compliments over Facebook are the equivalent of saying “hey, you’re not a 100% retarded deformed monster probably”. This goes to all the “guy bros” that post those empty compliments that they are feening for as well. Posts like “girl you are so beautiful” or “don’t do that to yourself you are gorgeous” or the straight to the point “private message me”. I mean, you might as well just throw all your dicks at her and see which one sticks. Same difference.


You know, you can [insert retarded phrase here], but what goes around comes around… karma’s a bitch ;)

Firstly, no she’s not, you are. Secondly, who exactly are you talking to? Facebook? The world? No, you are talking about one person in particular, but you want Facebook to know about your “troubles” without calling someone out so people will feel sorry for you. The only thing people will feel sorry for is how retarded you seem. Why do you need people to chime in on our personal affairs anyway? Does it help the situation? Do comments like “everything will be ok gurl” and “they don’t matter gurl you just do you” really help you at all? What about the other person? If they are friends with you on Facebook they will most likely see this, and you’ve given them two choices really. Choice one, be an asshat along with you and have a baby fight over Facebook or choice two, ignore it. It’s kind of a catch 22 though, because you probably knew they were going to see it, so the sub-reason you posted it was to see if they would call you out or as you would put it “back down like a bitch”. So, if they ignore it, in your eyes you are winning, even though you’d never be winning because you lack the intelligence of this can of energy drink I’m looking at.


It’s sad to think that this is what social media was made for. A bunch of retards to get together and tell themselves how wonderful and sexy they are while indirectly talking trash about each other. Facebook could be a really great thing if we didn’t dumb it down. I’d say all the people without spray tans could just move on to Google+ but we know that’s not going to happen, Google’s developers are obviously wanting to keep that network all to themselves.

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